Thursday, March 11, 2010

I don't wanna go to work

Life at the office is getting to me lately. I won't bore you with the office politics, but suffice it to say, I'm having trouble getting motivated to go in these days.

In all honesty, I think I’m a SAHM wannabe. I think I am. I’ve been back working 40 hours a week in an office for three years now, since Little Boo was 11 months old, and I envy my SAHM friends who get to spend so much more time with their little ones. And they tell me they envy the time I get to spend at the office, with other adults, while knowing my guy is well looked after. The grass is always greener?

I remember when I returned to work, being really worried about missing things in my little sweetheart's development. I actually asked the daycare NOT to tell me if he took his first steps there. I couldn’t bear the thought of someone else being there for that. I do though remember the day they told me he’d taken three steps in a row. And when he wrote his name out for the first time, or counted to 60? Ouch. Wouldn’t it have been great to have been the one who taught him that and experienced it for the first time?  But then again, I am teaching him lots of things at home too. Like his alphabet and his colours. We all play a role in his learning and some things we see first and some things they do. But in the end the important thing is that he is learning and developing and growing into a great little boy. Right?

When I started back after mat leave, I think the best thing about the office was the quiet. No one at the office needed me to get them a snack or wipe their butt. No one cried! It was heaven. And when I needed to pee? I just went. Alone. I had totally forgotten about that. Adults don’t try to follow you into the stall and climb into your lap. Wow. And I do have other benefits being an office mom. If I get sick? I take a sick day. And Little Boo goes to daycare. I get to sleep! Even better? I can take a random day off to do a major cleaning, prep for Christmas, or have a mental health spa day. This stuff helps to make me a more balanced, calmer person, and I think my son benefits from that.

I think really there are many benefits and drawbacks to each of our different mothering arrangements, and these change over time. Bottom line for me now – I need to focus on the positives and make the most of all of the time I do get to spend with my little guy. And I think I’ll take more advantage of my ability to take a day off work now and then and keep him home from daycare, and have a special treat Mommy-and-Son day. While he’s still little and still wants to – because it all goes by too quickly. (Just look at our 14 year-old!)

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