Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Dads Have it Easy

Why is it that when Dad wants a nap, he just disappears and has one? There's no guilt. No worry about a task left undone. No concern of whether or not the kids will get fed/cleaned/entertained. He just goes.

And we let him. Well, Mom probably bitches under her breath a bit, but everyone lets him be. The kids don't jump on him and go in to wake him up for a new sippy cup of apple juice. They don't crawl in next to him and turn on the TV. He just gets to sleep.

But Mom? On the extremely rare occasion that a mother attempts this thing called a nap, well, all heck breaks loose. Apparently, Dad is completely incapable of fulfilling any of the kids' needs or desires. Or at least they seem to think so.

Case in point ...
We've all been sick here for what seems like a month. Yesterday hubs told me to just go have a nap. I made him promise to actually play with Little Boo, to keep him entertained. He said of course. I laid down and decided to catch up on some PVR'ed shows.

Where did they end up? In the next room. Yeah, that helped. Little Boo got on the computer and Hubs laid on the bed and played with his iPad.

Little Boo came in to see me approximately every 5 minutes. The Webkinz site kicked him out (read, he clicked to close the window by accident). He wanted more juice. He wanted his bum wiped. One thing after another. Meanwhile, his father was right next to him, and not even noticing that he was leaving the room to come poke at me. He's a great gatekeeper. And then of course Hubs fell asleep.

And a couple of days ago, I went for an actual nap. The same thing. Little Boo could not be parted from me, and Hubs was apparently incapable of focusing on him long enough to keep him occupied downstairs. Is this really such a huge thing to ask of the family? That Mom be allowed to have a small little bit of alone time in her own home?

What do you do to get some peace and quiet? I've seriously considered booking myself a night alone in a hotel, but that seems excessive and expensive. I know I should just absolutely treasure the cuddles and love and adoration. And I do. I know this won't last forever. But still, for my mental health, I just need some time where I can be guaranteed a quiet rest.


  1. Janine Murray10:44 am

    I could say so much ... But won't.
    I have no answers. It probably has to be sorted out with actual and clear-cut guidelines.
    Maybe one night in a hotel would be worth the money, seriously. Seems unnecessary but the effects may last for months for a mother.
    Only way to tell is to try it!
    Good luck, Deborah!
    If you find the solution to all these issues, let us know!

  2. Thanks Janine! I know for sure I am not alone in this issue. And in many ways I do have it good. But man oh man I'd love to be a Dad some days :-)

  3. Anonymous11:42 am

    I'm sorry to say it, but your hubby is the root of the problem. And you need to speak to him about this until it gets through his head. I have no trouble going to the washroom, sleeping or anything that requires mom's temporary absense. I still 'remind' hubby to do certain things (like feed them) but he does it and has learned through his own mistakes. He has his own style and that's ok with me. He will not let teh kids upstairs when I am napping and will tell them to be quiet...even if he has to repeat himself 100 times. Don't get me wrong, he is not perfect (neither am I) but we talk about our needs and why we need it. ex. "I need a break because I have been up the past 3 nights and have hardly had any sleep. Can you watch teh kids for a few hours while I get some rest. I'd appreciate if you kept the kids quiet". It may not happen the first day, but be firm and rep;etitive and honest if it doesn't go well. "I asked you to keep the kids away from me for a few hours while I slept but you let them come bug me 4 times. This makes me feel... because...." Every mom deserves her time too and it doesnt mean she loves her family less.

  4. Hi Anonymous. (You don't need to be anon to be tough with me, btw :-) ) You are partly right. Hubs could do a better job with this for sure. He has good intentions, but gets distracted too easily. I often hear him coming after the 4yo, once it's already too late. What he is really good at is not complaining about my going out childless. So I get time that way, but it's not quiet me time.

    I think the other issue is though that kids do this to moms way more than they do to dads. And that moms have more trouble allowing themselves to try to get some quiet alone time than dads do.

  5. I would love a weekend to myself in our place. I think sending them away is the only true way to have quiet time. I think I would get bored in a hotel. But to just have me and the cat to putter and do what I want at my own pace would be heaven.
    When my hubby goes for a nap I don't think it even occurs to E to go and bug him. I never have to remind her not to bug Daddy. But for me when I want a nap it's a different story. I have to send them on an errand. Otherwise I can hear hubby calling E once she's already in the room to get out. :)
    Like you, I am very fortunate that hubby is very generous about me going out on my own. In the warmer weather I will park the car and read for a while for quiet time.

  6. I sent Sam to work and Lily to daycare today so that I could spend the day resting and getting better.

    My Hubs is exactly like yours. He's downstairs sleeping on the couch and she is poking me in the bedroom for a snack or to play.

    Good luck!


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