"What are you doing here?" My colleague came into my office and shut the door. "You are not yourself. Every time I see you lately, you look like you're thisclose to bursting out into tears. How are you holding up?"
Fact of the matter is, I haven't been holding up very well. This year has been a nightmare of serious illness, hospitalisations, death in the family, new investigations and diagnoses for Little Boo, complete upheaval at the office, three personal bouts of bronchitis in 10 months. The list goes on.
Naturally, as the Mom (Supermom, didn't you know?) I have been standing tall and rallying onwards, propping everyone else up and doing my best to keep the family afloat. But I reached my limit. I think I may have reached it and then jumped over the edge of it, to be honest. Not a good idea, if you're wondering.
So, now I'm stepping back and taking a break. I realised that I am really no good to anyone at this point. I've let my health become my lowest priority. And truly, if I'm not healthy, how can I look after my family or do my job? The past few weeks everything I've done has been kind of half-assed, and I don't like that. That's not me. I'm taking a break. Six weeks away from the office. It's scary. But I think it is what I need.
I will sleep in, prepare home-cooked meals, try to exercise 30 minutes a day. After the first two weeks I'm allowed to get back on top of my housework and do a major cleaning. That might sound horrific, but it will be therapeutic for me. I need a clean, serene space where I can relax. My house is about as opposite of that as it could be just now. And I'll write. I have a lot of reviews and contests coming your way. Some have been on the back burner for a bit, under all this chaos. But they're coming.
Why am I writing this? Partly to explain where I've been and why I haven't been writing consistently. Mostly to send a message to you all - look after yourselves! Just take a few minutes later today and step back. Assess how you feel. How you really feel. Is everything ok? Is there something you need? Extra help? A day off? Do you just need a night without the kids so you and your partner can enjoy each other's company for a change? Or do you need more? How can you make that happen? Can you? What small steps might you take to relieve some of your stress and workload? I can't wait to meet me again.
You and your whole family will benefit from a healthier, happier you. Believe me on this one.